So I'm close to month 3 of unemployment and I have to say, it isn't quite what I expected. I thought I would have a nice break after coming home before quickly moving on to the next stage of my life; turns out that this limbo period is becoming a stage in itself. It feels like I've lost my internal compass and am no longer sure which direction to move forward. What now?
Up until now I have had set goals - high school, college, graduate school - but now that I'm done with the standard educational path and am free to do whatever I want (in theory) I feel paralyzed by choice. My days are a rollercoaster which alternate between highs of inspiration and depressing lows. I have always set high standards for myself and worked hard to achieve my goals, but now that my targets are undefined I am terrified of not living up to my own expectations.
So I did what I always do when I feel I need to get back on track - I made a list of things I want to do. After jotting down all the exotic places I want to go and adrenaline rushing activities I want to do, I felt excited for a moment before a second wave of disappointment hit - I did not have the means to go after any of these activities at the moment. So I went about making a more modest list of ways to improve my happiness - small things I could start to do today. I wrote down: write more, learn to cook well, work on my Italian, and then a set of 3 little words I did not expect to see until they were already written - Let it go.
A year ago I had a big fight with one of my best friends at the time and we haven't spoken since. It is something that I never quite got over. The funny thing is I thought I was over it - I remember the exact moment in India when I told myself I was done being upset by it. But I found forgiving someone while in a lovely exotic setting is not equal to forgiving someone while back home and having to face it. Turns out I wasn't the bigger person after all.
I know I need to let it go. I need to get over it, and not in a way where I push it to the back of my mind and busy myself with distractions, but to a point where I can objectively look back and not feel anger. I was holding on to this negative feeling with a clenched fist, and it was hurting me more than anyone.
So I chose to get over it. There is a quote I really like that helped:
"When you hold resentment to another you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." -- Catherine Ponder
Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.
Of course choosing to let something go is just the first step. Although I may not welcome her back with open arms just yet, I could do something small for now, like wish her a happy birthday.
Baby steps.
Up until now I have had set goals - high school, college, graduate school - but now that I'm done with the standard educational path and am free to do whatever I want (in theory) I feel paralyzed by choice. My days are a rollercoaster which alternate between highs of inspiration and depressing lows. I have always set high standards for myself and worked hard to achieve my goals, but now that my targets are undefined I am terrified of not living up to my own expectations.
So I did what I always do when I feel I need to get back on track - I made a list of things I want to do. After jotting down all the exotic places I want to go and adrenaline rushing activities I want to do, I felt excited for a moment before a second wave of disappointment hit - I did not have the means to go after any of these activities at the moment. So I went about making a more modest list of ways to improve my happiness - small things I could start to do today. I wrote down: write more, learn to cook well, work on my Italian, and then a set of 3 little words I did not expect to see until they were already written - Let it go.
A year ago I had a big fight with one of my best friends at the time and we haven't spoken since. It is something that I never quite got over. The funny thing is I thought I was over it - I remember the exact moment in India when I told myself I was done being upset by it. But I found forgiving someone while in a lovely exotic setting is not equal to forgiving someone while back home and having to face it. Turns out I wasn't the bigger person after all.
I know I need to let it go. I need to get over it, and not in a way where I push it to the back of my mind and busy myself with distractions, but to a point where I can objectively look back and not feel anger. I was holding on to this negative feeling with a clenched fist, and it was hurting me more than anyone.
So I chose to get over it. There is a quote I really like that helped:
"When you hold resentment to another you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free." -- Catherine Ponder
Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.
Of course choosing to let something go is just the first step. Although I may not welcome her back with open arms just yet, I could do something small for now, like wish her a happy birthday.
Baby steps.
2 comments:
Dissolve that link! :)
Let the limbo go!!
Time is the best medicine to heal...
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